#havin a weird one
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Brain unlocked new obsessions and compulsions ugh
#i guess being stable and regulated in other areas is bringing it out a little#havin a weird one#thinking about the time in php when someone with ocd asked me if i had ocd#after i relayed an experience#i dont want to be like i think i have ocd because i feel like every year im saying i have a new problem#and i know i have hypochondriac tendencies#but my dad has legitimately obsessive compulsive tendencies#and i just have really felt like theyre coming out in me over the last couple months#but im hitting a Point where its lime oooooh ok i need to keep an eye on this#with a thing i will not get into#but will talk to my therapist about next week!#wish id have thought of it this morning when i had therapy now i have to wait a whole week
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For everyone who just got kicked off of tiktok, I present to you a mass doodle dump.
#my art#sonic the hedghog fanart#sonic#sonic fanart#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fandom#sth#sonadow#shadonic#???#shadow the hedgehog#I GUESS IDK YALL TAG WEIRD#so does one piece i have no place to speak#okay don't think too hard abt this im fuckin around and havin fun
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when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts
but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!
and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?
welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast
anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.
#sbs rambles#fandom#fandom stuff#ao3#basically. I hung out in superwholock for so long back in the day#but then I got weird and cool and moved on to smaller and older and stranger fandoms#and decided to throw a party and have fun and enjoy all of the small and weird in those fandoms#and now rewatching media for a big fandom I'm like. huh. sucks to be everyone else I guess. they're missing out on some wild dynamics here#because I'm havin a blast#and like. when I mean small fandoms I mean SMALL#my one fic I wrote for one tv show makes up 25% of that entire fandom on ao3#(double checks)#oh!!!! new fic in the fandom!!!!#my one fic only makes up 20% of that entire fandom on ao3!!!#time to throw a fuckin party! 🎉🎈🎊🥳#anyway it's really funny because based on this some folks are going to assume what ship I'm into in a Big Fandom now#but buds. you can laugh at me#I'm thinkin about sam and cas#what's up with those guys?#fucked up actually. they should hold hands about how much they love dean#:')#but also supernatural is way more fun if you watch it out of order#that's what I've realized#now if only the RNG would give me something in season 1 or 2 T_T#also if you're at the point of reading fic on livejournal or wattpad in the year 202X you've reached ''small fandom'' status#that's the rules
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me before cumming: im just gonna go one time nd then ill be done
me after cumming: hmmm....perhaps we can go again....it might be fun
#personal#im havin a weird jerk off sesh tonight#i keep making jokes and laughing so hard i cough#i was a fool nd looked up mouthwashing on r34 nd it did psychological damage SUNDNDNNDNDJDJ#i did like one image in there tho i will not be elaborating#anyways i think im gonna nut a second time and then be done with it
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HIT THE DANCE FLOOR! CHA CHA CHA! SALSA! RUMBA! TANGO! MAMBO! BOLERO MUY PICANTE! SPACETIME! GRAVITY! CHAMPAGNE! REALITY!
#my art#ocs#age of days#protag#the nameless#nametag#eye strain#heard that song for the first time last night n was immediately like i gotta make this about these two freaks#whipped out an art style ive never used in my life for this. drew the whole thing w the lasso tool#literally learned some hotkeys ta draw this#kinda obsessed w this style now tbh its real fun. ive always had a fondness for like hard edge lineless pieces i just thought they were ann#ying ta draw. this makes it like 29834x easier#the nameless doesnt actually have a set design yet. watchin rev star defintiely affected my brain tho KJAKJWER#age of days is onea those stories ive got alotta thoughts about but have no clue if ill ever actually like. make it LMAO#its initial form is a webcomic. maybe one day ill turn it inta somefin else. who knows!#the story as a whole has existed since like 2018 but the nameless' recent existance has revamped the plot a bit#i love these two alot they suck. havent drawn them til know but they run around in my head alot being weird at each other#i had a Vision for this art but their actual dynamic is like#nameless comes in n tries ta kill protag n normally only injures them but the protag is havin a GREAT time they think its fun#threats on ur life! how romantic!
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people acting like canonically c!dream and c!tommy were meant to be equally as bad are just like. incorrect. like we Know the intentions behind the writing of c!tommy and c!dream. their creators have talked about it. other creators involved have talked about it. tommy describes it as torture, completely unjustifiable, described c!tommy giving him the benefit of the doubt as unhealthy, and gets genuinely mad when people try and make that argument to him. dream has like, actually talked about the motivations of c!dream in exile, and it’s him being on an ego trip and moulding c!tommy into being his “friend”/someone useful to him. and that he only stopped bc of c!techno. c!dream's actions were not written to be justifiable during exile by the words of his creator himself. they were power tripping and controlling. are you arguing some secret third person wrote both c!dream or c!tommy this entire time. bc both of the creators are in agreement that c!dream is very much in the wrong for being a child abuser.
and other creators in the server have called c!dream a child torturer and abuser, with sam- who, y’know, had a massive storyline with him- describing him as similar to joe goldberg in you (presumably in his actions- being a stalker, abuser and murderer- and not his motivations) it seems like it was pretty well agreed upon in the writing room that c!dream's abuse of c!tommy and treatment of him was incredibly fucked up and that c!tommy was absolutely not at fault for, y’know, being an abused child (even when they agree he was extremely flawed and fucked up a lot- which, y’know, he did, he’s a character with flaws, it’s just none of his flaws were “being Inherently So Bad His Abuse Is Justified”) like. if you’re arguing the intent of the story is that c!tommy was in any way at fault Specifically for the fucking child abuse you’d have to like. disagree with like basically all the writers who were involved in c!tommy and or c!dream storylines in the slightest? like bro c’mon.
#like. c!dream is objectively in the wrong and bad for abusing a child.#basically every cc asked responded with a yeah wtf are you on about he abused a child#even when they criticised c!tommy they were Not open to the possibility of c!tommy being at fault for his abuse in any way#because. as it turns out. thats fucking weird and not how people write stories#like y’all got caught up in your parasocial bubble equating the dsmp characters to their irl actors and their morality havin to be one shad#that you forgot that generally if you talk to someone irl about a story they wrote with abuse if the victim was at at fault#they’d fucking look at you funny and then shout at you. because that’s generally not a normal way to discuss fiction with people
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not going 2 lie chat its like. so crazy looking down or in a mirror & being happy with how i look...... its so wild. like damn u guys were right it really is euphoria?????
#lore moment for those of u who were perhaps not there for ye old days or whatevr i Literally Was Not Allowed to wear pants for like.#the first. like. 17 years of my life. i was one of those fucking like. Visibly Christian Skirt Girls !!! & after that i was too mentally il#& stuff. & by this point like thank fucking god for my sake & also theirs my parents have eased up on the cult adjacent shit. but like.#god. its still so crazy sittin in the car lookin at my big ripped jeans & work boots or catching#my face in the mirror & going oh i look cool :] instead of who the hell is that.......... god!!!!!!!!! i like my stupid glasses & mad#scientist hair & silver rings & the way i look weird and androgynous at first glance! u guys never told me it was like that!!!#<- not that this was the first time or anything just havin a Moment. u know how it goes. striking 2 have a moment /pos instead of#a moment /neg for once though? damn.#txt
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rambling again
#okay so. post werewolf bensaro au. amaro KNOWS there are three werewolves in svu — olivia barba and rollins#olivia got to maul william lewis in this au btw because honestly. what did u expect when u fucked with a werewolf.#anyways carisi having the fattest crush on barba and rollins but knowing he can’t ask them out because theyre always seen on dates together#but when sonny accidentally opens up mail meant for amaro he gets doused with a A/B/O induced drug. and starts going into heat#and olivia offers to take care of sonny because she’s the. y’know. literal werewolf alpha of the squad. but barba and rollins are NOT havin#it because they’ve been head over heels for carisi for months! they should be the ones to help him through the weird ABO sex pollen!#carisi slamming the hospital door open because he can hear them bitching about who gets to fuck him — and he really shouldnt find this#so oddly endearing. asks barba and rollins if they consent to fucking him and they are more than eager to fill him to the brim with a knot.#valeress rambles#i need to start writing coherent shit. i need to write a damn fanfic
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oooooohohoHO i think its time for basil to go to BED lest he has a MASSIVE BREAKDOWN !!!!!!!!
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Character screaming at the narrative, "I refuse to be defined by my suffering!" and the narrative responding with, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing else left to define you by."
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owo bc im curious. reblog/comment or whatever with the most obscure musical artist u listen to. mine is defintely reverend glasseye
#im talkin like havin a hard time finding all their songs and no lyrics to some of their music obscure#also shoutout to that one site that described reverend glasseye as:#''gothic americana'' ''weird-dark-cabaret-folk-circus-gospel-alt-country-rock''#''dark salvation music'' and ''cabaret-vaudeville-punk-country''#like. Yeah i think thats pretty accurate jgkdjf
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#have been just havin a real one recently will not lie#think its mostly seasonal depression cause im noticably worse in summer than winter since i cant handle heat#but have had more days i just Cannt force myself out of bed for hours. disordered eating more too as a result of weird sleep#which feels bad! but idk what else to do rn#just kinda Surviving for awhile until it gets easier to function again#bleh#vent
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Note to myself so I can articulate some stuff out of my brain this evening:
There is a future waiting for you where you will get to see and make new memories with the loved ones you miss that you’ve had to leave behind for the moment and there’s a future where you’ll make many more new lifelong loved ones. It seems so very and annoyingly far away right now but it’s waiting and you will get there. There’s a future where you’ll get to live with old and new loved ones where movie nights are common place and casual nights out and other hangouts and field trips are as expected as you like. Life will still be hard but it won’t be lonely. There will be people who will let you lay on the floor of their bedroom and complain and will come to yours to do the same and they will be within walking distance, either down the hall or down the street. It won’t happen today or in a month or maybe even in three years but it’s there.
#okay to reblog#don’t mind me just yearning#im sure others can resonate lmao#by yours truly the omelette of cheese#affirmations#I do love the people I know here but they’re always so busy#I miss having roommates#I miss my college friends#I miss having a friend who’s always down to do almost anything at almost any time#I miss MOVIE NIGHTS#god I miss movie nights#I’m not drowning here but I’m also not thriving#and I know if I put in more effort I could definitely find a community here but… ugh yknow?#anyways I stay yearning#my brain just really got into a pit about it today and I’m having a hard time getting it out#so I’m hoping writing some affirmations down and releasing it into the void will help :P#it’s weird I’m just havin a moment today#me and one of my aroace friends were talking about QPRs and the future we want#and I had some evening plans canceled on me#and I’m missing some people#and it’s all cumulating into my brain being like ‘heys let’s obsess over the people you miss and your jealousy and the future you want’#which like cool but then it gets in a PIT about it and won’t let me move on#and if I do move on I feel like I’m forgetting something Important#and so it’s a very obsessive and kinda exhausting thing??#not at all productive either tbh#anyways I’ll cook dinner after posting this and eat and hopefully feel better#and get set Back To Normal
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heyy friendly reminder that i'm. fucking stupid and if i say something out of turn literally just tell me to shut up lol i will NOT be offended i prommy😭
#havin a weird one tonight lads#my hands wont stop shaking and my brain's all staticky lol#that's what happens when i sleep for. 36 hours straight minus 3 or 4 bathroom trips
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#personal#lmao around this time last year i decided to give up on him n LMAO girl if only you knew#i should have just talked to him but djdjjdjdjd idk it felt weird. but he even like. complained one time that we didnt talk all summer#like LMAO..... bro its two ways. u could have messaged me too xjdjjdjdjdj#tho to be fair i think he did show up to a dinner but i wasnt there bc i had just had wisdom tooth surgery n was 1. blown up like a balloon#and 2. so high on pain meds i couldnt function JFJDJJDJDJDJDJ#n e way whatever jdjdjdjd im just laughing at myself bc how did this man become my closest friend from college Zhfnnddnnd#our relationship is so weird. not in a bad way but in an unexpected way#we sat beside each other an entire semester n never talked til the last day like thats so FUNNY IDK#i even said to him that time. bc we were talkin in the hallway n went to sit for the exam n sat in our regular spots of being one seat awa#y and i was like... you know its so funny that we sat beside each other all semester and only talked today#and he was like.... hahha yeah#i was gonna introduce myself but it felt so stupid JDJJDJDJD#i didnt even know his name LMAO#i had him narrowed down to 2 names. bc he was one of like 2 guys that Always showed up in another class' zoom#and LOL i was right. he WAS one of those 2 shjdjsjsj#n e way. then the next sem came n i didnt know whether to say hi to him or not bc we talked ONCE#and i was still wearing my mask at this point and so id try to smile at him with my eyes but never got a response HDNJDJD and so i got soooo#annoyed with him. and even more so bc i kept making friends with ppl and they KNEW HIM??? and i was like WHO IS THIS????#then one time he came up to me n my friends before class n we just talked and i was like o lmao this annoyance im having??? its a big ole#crush BDNNDNDND#and in community college its hard to like. know ppls ages and that day i found out he was 2 years younger so i was like o ok 26 n 28 isnt#bad at all#but thinking back.... first things we exchanged that time was age and i think he was also trying to fish for whether i was single bc he was#talkin about this other guy havin a baby n a wife n i was like o wow !! i didnt know!!#jdjxjdjdjdk god when he found out my age he was like... oh i never would have guessed you were older. you look young ZFHJDJDJDJDJD#oh so you were Looking is that right HJXJXJXJZJZJ GOD LMAO#i look back on so many moments n im like oh duh... he must be interested#but for me its like. i will literally more easily believe literally any other theory so i thought he just liked one of my friends Zhjxjx#ya i dont think so anymorem but i thought that up until like mid january HDHXJJXJDDJJDJ
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sonic keeping the inhibitor after sa2 is the most He Would Not Fucking Say That thing ever but I dunno, I feel like you could get some cool interactions out of it (aka a cool fight)
#dont @ me about what does or does not happen in heroes I don't know much about it rn#also not a ship thing#anyways its a concept I rotate in my brain occasionally#havin a weird one today tee bee aitch might delete this
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